A Birthday Prayer for Alice

A Birthday Prayer for Dear Alice

Heavenly Father,
We praise You for all Your gifts to us.
In a special way,
We thank You for Alice
Bless Alice always in Your love.
Bless also, Holy Father,
Those who love Alice
Help us all to praise You and give You glory
Through Jesus Christ our lord.

Amen.

modified from Catholic Doors.com

"vacation" yesterthought

Since my surgery last Thursday, my sweet husband has been home with us. Since, he took his vacation time from work to be with me, so we have tried to do whatever we could to make it feel like it is really a vacation.
On Monday, I made my first post-surgery outing to see the with our family. We went to a really fun theater that offers a full-service menu in addition to the popcorn and four dollar sodas. This theater always includes coupons to go a free movie in the ValPak envelopes that are mailed to local residents. Between our coupon, and the ones passed on us by my mom and Julian 's God-family, we had six coupons to use! It only cost $5.50 for seven of us to go to the matinee. It was such a treat to go to a movie and it wasn't even a problem because I was able to keep my foot up on the chair in front of me. The chairs are sort of like fancy car seats. They recline to several positions making it impossible not to find a comfy position.
Elaina's (3 1/2) Bee Movie Narration: It's a movie about a talking Bee with parents. A mom and a Dad and a kid. Barry had hard, hard work. (Barry is the Bee's name)
Elaina was all decked out for the movie with her stripey top and new bumblebee hat, handmade for her by Grand-Memere.
She has had lots of experience in "bee regalia" as you can see from her Halloween picture from a year ago. At time, she kept saying "muppy" and we just thought it was her own fun little word. No, no, no.. she was trying to say "I'm a bee." We finally figured it out.

After the movie, I hobbled my way through the neighboring store in the Plaza to look for toothbrushes, floss and this'nthat. It is one of those hit or miss type stores. They had one Superman toothbrush, which went to our resident superhero, Pier-Jérôme. But only one, of course... being a hit-or-miss-type-store. Out of convenience, we popped into the Dollar store on the other side of the theater for the other four children's toothbrushes and while we we there, we found a
Bee Movie Activity Book which brought the Bee fun home! There has been lots of reading of Bee stories and the playing of fun games at the Bee Movie Website. Our resident crafty, Timothy, created his own bumble bee using half of a plastic Easter Egg, A clear pen cap for a stinger and lined paper for the wings. Timothy has alleviated my guilt of being the "un-craftiest" mom because he is one of the most clever, creative people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing (and loving with all my heart).

On the way home, my darling picked up a White Mocha for me. Here is my hero! (just smile already - we are about to share a yummy coffee treat!)
He thinks all of my picture snapping is silly, but he loves me anyway because he took the picture of our Sweet Treasures with their beestuff. He is just the bees knees! (did you really think I would get through this post without one bee pun? ) Really, though, he is quite a guy. Today, I mused out loud that I really could do with a little sweet of some sort. He ran to me and gave me a kiss. A little sweet, indeed!

I'll be back on Thankful Thursday! Which, will likely be Friday, because this is yesterthoughts after all.

Blessings on your day!

But we already knew that

Your Inner European is French!

Smart and sophisticated. You have the best of everything - at least, *you* think so.

Who's Your Inner European?

HT: Mary Ellen

Indeed, it was determined long ago that I belong in Paris.

Life imitates art...

Now that I have way too much time to play on the computer, I contemplated tinkering with my side bar. The first item I came to was this painting.

Do tell me... had you already recognized it on a previous visit? If so, did you get why I put it there to begin with? Okay, I'll tell you now. (well, unless you already knew..)

Last Spring, I was speaking to a gentleman at work and when he discovered my name was Kristina, he said "Ah, Christina's World."

I beg your pardon? (how does this stranger know about my blog??)

He said you know, the famous Andrew Wyeth painting.

Ohhhh.

He described it to me and when I went home, I googled away. I placed it on my sidebar several months ago. It was sort of an homage to my former blog name that is shared with this famous work of art. My blog name was changed to yesterthoughts because I thought "kristina's world" was so unoriginal. Turns out I was right! It was unoriginal. Well, for that matter, it turns out that Yesterthoughts was unoriginal as well. Sigh.

Thankfully, I am not crippled, just a little restricted for now. Yet I find myself identifying just a smidge with the subject of this painting.

Thankful Thursday - Yesterthought

I know.. it's Friday. This blog is titled Yesterthoughts so I am allowed to be late, right. Also, I had surgery for my broken ankle yesterday, so I think you will overlook the "Thursday" and simply consider the "Thankful" part. Lets get to it.

1. I am most thankful for my family. I couldn't even begin to convey how absolutely enamored I am with my SWEET TREASURES and my husband, too.
2. I woke up. From the anesthesia, that is. I know, I had nothing to worry about. But they make you sign that form. The one that lists the possible complications, including making my husband a widow. The anesthesia doctor went over them with me. She was very reassuring, yet honest. She actually told me that anesthesiologists are expecting a rash of anxious patients because this movie is hitting the theaters soon.
   
3. I had the most incredible caregivers at the hospital. My surgeon spent twenty minutes on the phone with me this morning since I don't remember him talking to me after surgery. I guess the lights were on but no one was home. I was really confident in this surgeon actually because of his confidence. He did not give me lots of options (like our pediatricians do.. they give me a list of options for our children.. until I finally say.. "what did/would you choose for your own children?"). Dr. G. told me his plans and he continues to advise me with certainty. He told me on the phone that so far he has accomplished what he intended with my surgery. I am especially thankful for how this doctor has responded to my concerns. He is patient and honest. He was kind to my mom and boys when they accompanied me to my appointment and not once have I felt like something on his 'to do' list or been made to feel rushed. My pre-op nurse was a gem. She home schooled her girls and kept asking me questions about our home school while inserting my i.v. to keep me distracted. She was so encouraging and actually fun to chat with. Then the post-op nurse was so, so kind! She waited on me hand and foot (literally!). Not just me, she brought Julian a yummy hot chocolate and his choice of popsicle and my husband a coffee fixed just the way he likes it! These good folks contributed to making my most unpleasant experience rather bearable. I feel blessed.
4. The generosity of others - this is a list unto itself!

• My mother-in-love (to borrow a term coined by Lindsey - imitation is the sincerest form of flattery) took 4 huge (probably 8 in a regular washer), loads of wash and dry laundry home to do for us and has sent it back, clean, soft and folded! My f-i-l taxied two of our boys to the dentist this week. They also blessed us with groceries and eggs and potatoes from the farm! These beautiful flowers arrived from them today.
  
• My mother has come by each day and cleaned our kitchen from 5 children having lunch on their own. Not to mention bringing two of the boys home from the dentist this week, taking me to my doctor on Monday, treating me to a pumpkin spice latte and a treat from the coffee shop for each of our children. She also kept Timothy overnight for my surgery and did lessons with him, too!
• My dear friend (and first year home schooler of her two children) kept our three youngest yesterday. She sent their backpack home with a report from the day. She fed them well, took them on a hike, included them in their home school day, read good books to them and treated them with kindness and love! What more could we ask for! I am also thankful to my three that went because they were good eaters and well-behaved. No fighting, no tears and even no TV! She offered to let them watch The Walton's and the children preferred to play together instead. Gotta love that!
• My co-workers! The wonderful girl who brought me the donations they collected on the night that I fell, found my house on her own (not too easy with the quirky Mapquest directions) and brought us FIVE BAGS of groceries collected by all of them. I am overwhelmed by their generosity and kindness! The groceries were such a treat to my family because there were items that would not-in-a-million years found their way into any shopping cart of mine.. like Christmas Oreos and E-Z cheese in a can to name a couple. My junk food deprived husband and older sons were over the moon! There were also good things like individual applesauces and fresh fruit and even items on my husband's shopping list such as paper towels and toilet tissue!
• The delicious meals sent over by wonderful friends and loved ones, keeping my family well nourished.
• Also covering my toes is a hand-knit sock. It was donated by a kind, anonymous-to-me soul to the Day Surgery department and placed on my foot by the post-op nurse. This pretty pink hand knit sock makes me smile! (I had Timothy snap a picture and Pier-Jérôme jumped into the shot.)

5. My creature comforts while I am hanging out on the couch.

• The Laptop (given to me by my dear friend) - my lifeline to the outside world for now.
  
• The Mp3 player (passed on to me from my sister and b-i-l). "My music has been added to the mix, such as Praying the Rosary with St. Thérèse of Lisieux (Elizabeth always has such good recommendations!), Marie Bellet and my old favorites, too! Next to add is Paul Potts.
  
• TIVO which records a nice selection of cooking shows for me on the Food Network.
• The first four books in Jan Karon's Mitford Series from the library sale this past summer. I am on my last of four, so I hope to get another credit on the (introduced to me by Amy thank you again, Dearheart!), to order the next one. I am out of credits because I recently used them up on yet another Boxcar Children book for my voracious reader as well as Orthodoxy by Chesterton and The Spirit of the Liturgy by Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger (pre PB16) for our library as well as Peter Duck by Arthur Ransome for a future read aloud. Paperback Swap is great!

• The cozy kitty who is addicted to me! Really. He thinks my torso is his bed. I send him on his way and keeps coming back.
  
• My new cozy robe (Thanks to my doting mother!)

6. Good Nutritious Food! My sister encouraged me to eat lots of protein. Yesterday Julian prepared the most delicious over-medium eggs with a dash of salt and lots of fresh ground pepper for me. They were so good that my husband prepared them for again today...this time with Ciabatta toast. I have enjoyed yummy soup prepared by my mother-in-love just for me! Delicious hamburger soup with lots of garlic and tomatoes and other nutrient rich veggies. It was so comforting and just right for being snuggled on the couch. Our pantry is well-stocked so there is plenty to eat. That is a huge thank you to our Lord who provides for us.
7. Our small house. I have lamented that I am the old woman who lives in a shoebox. Yet, hobbling around on crutches and leaving the cleaning of our "palace" to the responsibility of others for the time being makes me appreciate our humble and cozy abode.
8. Good medication that is easing my discomfort. My wise Dr. has given me good advice on pain management and so far so good. I have just enough aches to offer up for others, while keeping in a cheerful disposition.
9. My husband. As my mother-in-love says "he's a keeper!" Yes he is. He is using up his vacation time to care for me. He is taking such good care of me and our SWEET treasures. He is keeping my tea mug full. Tonight for our dinner he prepared my favorites. Sauteed Cabbage and Mushrooms to go with fresh spinach salad with grape tomatoes with sliced grilled chicken tossed in a homemade raspberry vinaigrette. The house is cleaner under his direction. He has ensured that the laundry is caught up and put away. The counters are clear and wiped down, the toilet and sink are gleaming and the rugs are vacuumed! But, y'know what.. he did not get to all of the lessons with the children. I kind of liked that. It shows him the trade off I make. I can either have a perfect house or well-educated children. The children come first. I am not knocking his cleaning, though. No sir. It was his priority today. The children did art for hours, they did some reading and created with magz. It wasn't a full day of academia, but it's Friday and we are clean and well fed! Thanks be to God and to my darling!
10. I am thankful for the prayers of loved ones and faithful women I have never even met personally. Their prayers are efficacious and they are sustaining me. I am also thankful to the lovely Diane for inspiring me and that wonderful mom in Minnesota, Margaret, as well!

If you are still with me, reading this long(!) list, I thank you. May God Bless you, richly!

weekend yesterthought

Saturday Mornings are usually a toss up here. As in I usually go out to run the errands to pick up whatever items are needed for the weekend with one or more of the children. We drop off the recycling (our community does not pick up.. yet) and coffee is usually a part of the outing. In summer, my Saturday outings most often include The farmer's market and maybe even a yard sale on the way. But the clock has been turned back, summer is gone and I'm not going out and about for the time being.

The toss up is: if it is not me, it is my sweet husband and his errands usually involve a trip to Lowe's or the Home Depot and of course the recycling (and coffee, too). Well, he won the toss up by default because I am stuck on the couch. He got to run all of his errands and mine.. lucky man.

Before the errand running was underway, I got my day started in the bathroom and I fell. and cried. How silly is that? I wasn't really hurt from the fall, just my ego. I was wearing a slipper sock on my good foot and it was a bit slippy. (I have since put on grippier socks). My darling husband rushed to me and hugged me in my pile on the floor. Then he left me there. He ran off and returned with a painkiller and a sip of cold water.

Enabler!

I am trying to go easy on pain killers (as in not taking them unless I am in severe pain, which, I'm really not). Just because I am awaiting surgery, doesn't mean I am incessantly writhing in pain. It comes and goes and it could be considered nothing more than annoying discomfort most of the time. My husband, who was rather injury prone in his youth, knows the effects of Rx for pain and he agrees with my surgeon that the less pain killers are taken before the surgery, the less chance the body will develop a tolerance to them when one is post-operative.. when they will be necessary. Even with this knowledge, my darling husband wanted to bring me comfort after my fall. I hobbled back to my perch on the couch, feeling the tiniest bit woozy (a painkiller will do that, you know) and quite relaxed and not all that concerned with much of anything.

Elaina went on a grandparent sleepover (and upon her arrival home today referred to herself as "Princess Elaina.") Three of the boys went to run the errands with Daddy. Maximilian stayed with me and played with the Gears and watched cooking shows with me.

Today, I woke up with a bit more pain, but I just took ibuprofen to deal with it. As I hobbled into the powder room, I found evidence of little boys who are not being completely conscious of putting their clothing into the the laundry closet and I commented to the parent with two working ankles.

The reply "I think you should take another painkiller."

Enabler!

I didn't. Instead, I got ready for Holy Mass. Later a visiting loved one told me that "I am not required to go to mass in my condition." "God would understand." My reply was "I NEED the graces from the Eucharist." and I do. Don't we all?

Peace and all good to you and your dear ones!

Postponed

My surgery was cancelled and rescheduled for next Thursday. I arrived yesterday and was set up in pre-op and while waiting for the anesthesiologist, I was informed that the surgical staff was concerned with the sterility of the surgical tools. Forty patients had their surgery rescheduled so I was in good company. They weren't certain, so the hospital chose to err on the side of caution. I was thistempted to grumble for a nanosecond and then let it go. Maybe a bigger problem than a broken ankle has been avoided.

Since I have to wait a week for the surgery, this morning my surgeon placed a new, shorter fiberglass cast. The new one is better. It seems to be in a better position and it is considerably shorter and weighs less - very good things.

I am really avoiding taking Rx painkillers unnecessarily. I expected the new cast application to cause a huge increase in pain, but timing of the medication was just right. I am focusing on the positive here, can you tell?

It can be frustrating to be stuck on the couch or hobbling on crutches when there is so much that needs to be done. I made three lists.

1. Things I would do if I could such as..

• wipe the counter
• not hang my undergarments to dry on the shower rod in full display (use the center closet rod) Thank you to my 10 year old laundry elve - you mean well!
  
• put the reusable grocery bags on the basement shelf or in the trunk of the vehicle
• clear the clutter on the island
• actually put the shoes that have collected in front of the shoe rack into the shoe rack
• put the books that have been placed on top of each shelf of books and slide them on the shelf upright, with the spine facing out.
  
• vacuum
• start a load of dark wash
• feed the cat who is standing at his bowl and gawking at me
  

the list actually filled an entire notebook page, but you get the idea...


2. Things I can do

• Straighten and sort the basket of papers and magazines
• Look up the missing part online for the thing in the box under the desk
• pay the bills
• submit the rebate form for the new cell phones
  
• pester my insurance person to rent one of these for me (making the above list in obsolete in the near future)
  
• stop looking around and noticing things that aren't done!

just to name a few...


Then I made a list of

3. What I have accomplished this afternoon

• scheduled an appointment for December that I have been forgetting for weeks now
• dumped the orphan sock bin onto my lap and found about 20 matches
• sorted through my greeting card and notecard stash to find just the right cards to send off for thank yous - still need to write them though
• folded a load of laundry
• started blogging again..despite that fact that it is pedantic minutia (hey that sounds like a new blog name..)
  

While I was at the doctor, Julian and Timothy (and Elaina) did their lessons with my helper again. My mom drove me there and Maximilian and Pier-Jérôme came along for the ride. Maximilian read a story aloud in the waiting room in the Highlights magazine.

When we arrived home, a wonderful new homeschooling mom from our parish picked up all five of our children for a play date today. After work, my husband picked them up and they were sent home with a yummy dinner and dessert! After dinner, Timothy zipped around the house accomplished ten things on my "If I could I would" list for me and then he enjoyed a well-deserved piece of his Halloween candy.

Sighing contentedly and signing off now.

Thank you for visiting! God bless you and your dear ones.

Anointed

"Are any among you sick? They should call for the elders of the church and have them pray over them, anointing them with oil in the name of the Lord. The prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise them up; and anyone who has committed sins will be forgiven" (James 5: 14-15).

I hobbled into the Vigil for the All Saints Mass at our Parish this evening. I wanted to receive the Eucharist before having Surgery tomorrow. I was in no condition to go to mass this past Sunday. I was getting used to the pain medication and could not keeping anything down. (Eventually, I figured out that I could adapt to the medication by eating a handful of dry cereal o's, a gingerale chaser and finish with a ginger chew.)

After discovering that my surgery is tomorrow, Father offered to anoint me after mass. He prayed over me, then blessed my forehead and hands with Oil of the Sick. Then he invited all present to place their hands on my head and pray for me, beginning with each member of my family and finishing with several fellow parishioners. Afterward, our dear Priest prayed over children and then my husband asking our Heavenly Father to bless them with all of the graces they will need during my recovery.

My anxiety is significantly diminished. I may get some sleep.

A blessed All Saint's Day to all of you.

All you holy men and women pray for us!

Be careful what you pray for...

...because you may actually receive an answer, but it will not be anything you were expecting.

You may have noticed.. I don't blog very often. I also belong to just one message board. My posts counts are not all that high for being a member for three years. My excuse.. time. I even renamed my blog to acknowledge my lack of posts.

Life is busy (I know.. wah, wah, wah). In September, I went back to my little part-time job for a couple of nights a week. It was supposed to be temporary because a position and schedule change is anticipated for my husband's employment after training. Between Daddy's overtime and Mommy's part-time job, home-education, scouting, altar serving, sacrament prep.. life was really full and f-a-s-t. I prayed for a change. God heard my prayer and He answered in a most unexpected way, because....

Everything came to a screeching halt as of Saturday night. I found myself in the emergency room with a broken ankle. While working, I slipped on a slippery floor with my right foot and as I fell, my left foot got caught.. and I won't give further detail because, well, I am a whiny, squeemish, pain wimp. Let's just say that I have been told by each of the medical professionals that I "did a good job on this one." When the words "incisions, pins and metal" started falling out of my surgeon's mouth, I blocked my ears and closed my eyes and just asked "Can you fix it?" He can, but I need to follow instructions to the letter to heal properly and avoid infection. Deep breath.

My outpatient Surgery is scheduled for November 1. The feast of All Saints. Do you think we can get ALL of them to pray for me? I hope so. I am really good at giving scriptural advice to others.. " Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God." says St. Paul,Philipians 4:6, yet, I am not so good at giving it to myself. Sleep just hasn't been happening for the past two nights.

I am really trying to be positive through all of this. I have moments of weakness, but I can already feel a thankfulness post coming on because there have been many special graces already. I am all about lists so here we go..

• No one else was hurt.. just me.
• Our youngest two were already at my husband's parents house so they just stayed another night.
  
• That entitled the older three to a bonus sleepover at my mom's house -- affectionately known as "Disneyland" by us because it is like a vacation when they go anywhere with my Mom.
  
• My husband is totally pampering me. Not that he doesn't usually, but he has a fantastic bedside manner and he is keeping home so very well!
• The (really nice) worker's comp insurance lady has already begun the hassle claim.
• My wonderful co-workers took up a collection and presented me with it as I was leaving the emergency room! Then today when I collected my envelope of tips (I worked at a restaurant), there was a total and an additional "$5 from customer at bar." I must have left an impression with my tumble! I have no idea whom this "bonus" is from, but I am thankful for their kindness. I am still so touched by the thoughtfulness and generosity of my co-workers.
• another kindness is the offer of my mother-in-law to do some laundry for us.
  
• I hurt my left foot, so I will be able to drive sooner than if it were my right foot.
  
• I am getting pretty good with the crutches.. even while groggy on pain meds.
• I am thinking about all of the advantages of eight weeks on the couch with my feet up - trying to make lemonade..right?..I can do this.. how about another list for this one:

1. unlimited read a-louds!
   
2. lots of time to blog and visit blogs and no excuses :-)
   
3. no "not volunteering" guilt for the immediate future
4. a real excuse for not following the meal plan
5. no guilt for convenience meals (as I cannot cook from the couch)
6. "junk food in the house again" (as quoted by the grocery shopper by default, my husband) - sigh, can't win 'em all
7. I will have lots of time to program my new hand-me-down mp3 player. My brother-in-law just got an i-phone so he no longer has use for it. Didn't St. Francis say "if you have two coats, not only should you give one away, you are obligated to? " Do mp3 players count? My sister's husband must think so! What a guy! We are having so much fun listening to his diverse selections. Lots of '80's, some of my favorites, some reggae for my darling. We are still surprised with his eclectic mix of nearly 600 songs.. there is everything from Satchmo to heavy metal (sorry no linky from me on that one). I hope I can clear some room on there for my new Marie Bellet cd's that came home with me after last month's retreat. Now that will add the perfect balance to this clever gadget!
   

Now back to our regular list

• I have lots to offer up and unite my sufferings for Christ. There is a special baby and her family who sure could use prayers and sacrifices right now.
• No more rushing around to finish up the day and get ready for the night to go to work.
• No more.. "Mommy, do you HAVE to go to work, right now? I don't want you to leave."
• On my surgery day, our children will have a substitute teacher! Julian's Godmother's sister has a clear schedule and plans to take over that job. She has three weeks before her career position begins and has been substitute teaching in her local schools for the third and fourth grades. She occasionally visits and comes along on our nature walks up our trail. Recently she helped out with their lessons so the children are used to working with her. Although, I have already told her that if they read, played games, or even just watched movies during my surgery, that would be absolutely fine, too. How can I expect them to carry-on-as-usual?
  
• Julian's Godmother called me out-of-the-blue from Trader Joe's (an hour away!) to ask if she could pick up groceries for us. She had no idea that I was injured and was not able to pick up our groceries after work on Saturday, as planned! We stocked up on quick, healthy snacks that usually cost about twice the price at our local grocery stores! What an angel she is!
  
• The final grace I will mention tonight is that I e-mailed a fellow homeschooling mom to beg her prayers. She called this morning and offered to get meals together. Then she had us swing by and pick up a delicious pasta dish she had prepared for us this evening. When we unpacked, actually I propped my leg up on the couch while the rest of them unpacked... I was presented with an envelope that was tucked in with the dinner. Inside was this prayer that she had written out for me:

A PRAYER FOR HEALING

Lord, You invite all who are burdened to come to you.
Allow Your healing Hand to heal me.
Touch my soul with Your compassion for others;
touch my heart with Your courage
and infinite Love for all;
touch my mind with Your Wisdom,
and may my mouth always proclaim Your praise.
Teach me to reach out to You in all my needs,
and help me to lead others to You by my example.

Most loving Heart of Jesus,
bring me health in body and spirit
that I may serve You with all my strength.
Touch gently this life which you have created,
now and forever.

Amen.

Author: Priests & Brothers of the Sacred Heart at the Sacred Heart Monastery in Hales Corners, WI, USA.

Mr. Technical

We only have one subscription to Magnifikid. This is clearly not enough for Maximilian. At Holy Mass on Sunday, I looked to my right to discover Timothy and Maximilian each pulling on one side of our family's one copy. I whispered that they must share. To which Maximilian whispered back "It's called "MagnifiKID" not "MagnifiKIDS!"

Summer Yesterthought ...the Ocean

After a summer-long bloggy break.. here is a summer yesterthought:

We shared a really big ice cream sundae in a sand pail...


..which came in handy


..while we helped Daddy

..build a sandcar!

Of course, there was swimming

..and discovering


and more summer yesterthoughts to come...
because.. it is still officially summer for two more weeks!

The Waiting

This is not really a yesterthought. This is just right now.

The last time I tinkered with my blog template, I added a pregnancy ticker. I figured I had made it past that fateful seven week marker (all three of my past lost babies only lived to seven weeks in utero.) It was "safe" to hope and share our good news.

Two days ago I woke up to a warning sign. I was invited to have an appointment with the on-call doctor. I usually see midwives, but when there is a concern that would require an ultrasound, they refer to the doctors in the office. I was seen by a male doctor, whom I had never met before. He was kind and professional and it was evident that he respected a patient's dignity and modesty and for that I am grateful.

The ultrasound revealed no heartbeat and the baby measured 9weeks 6days (I would have been 12 weeks yesterday). My last ultrasound was at 9weeks 5days and showed a strong heartbeat. The baby died on June 12. Once again we grieve and wait.

I called my sister yesterday and she sounded as bereft as me. I took great comfort in her audible sobs. That may seem strange. Let me explain. I certainly do not expect anyone to cry. Truth be told, I, myself, dread crying in front of others. My face shows that I have been crying for hours afterwards. But my sister's grief showed me her compassion for my suffering and her own sorrow for the loss of a member of her family whom she will never get to hold or know.

I have encountered so many different reactions when sharing that we have lost a child.

• ...you can "try again"
• ...oh, just be thankful for the five children you have already,
• ...there was probably something wrong with the baby, this is just nature's way of "taking care of things."

I could dissect what does not promote a culture of life in those statements, and especially what does not bring comfort in those statements, but I'm focusing on what does bring comfort:

1. A shared tear by someone who truly cares. Someone who knows that a baby is a person. A person whose life is valuable, regardless of what they "contribute to society."
2. A simple "I'm sorry for your loss."
   
3. "I will pray for you." Isn't that among the greatest of gifts?

Some people do not know what to say. It is likely to be especially awkward for those who are immersed in or surrounded by a culture that does not embrace human life as sacred. I have to remind myself not to take misguided comments as uncharitable, but to remember to be patient, kind and loving and give others the benefit of the doubt. After all, I was not always on the path I am on now and I have no room to judge anyone.

I never dare ask God for a baby. He has blessed me so abundantly already. I figure they were all thought up at the beginning of time. He knows how many children will be entrusted to our care. One can only wonder what lies ahead and at a discouraging time of such heartbreak and the immediate future seems so bleak. The joy and hope that comes with a newborn is so amazing it is unfathomable and even though I dare not ask, I certainly hope that I will experience that elation again in God's Good Time.

When speaking with my sister, I told her how the doctor, despite his professionalism and sensitivity, had made me feel really old. Anyone over 35 is at "advanced maternal age". She encouraged me by sharing that our maternal grandmother had many, many miscarriages, but she delivered her seventh child at age 45 and her eighth at 47! As a young adult, I was blessed to have spent time with our aunt who was her eighth child and she is one of the loveliest people I have encountered - beautiful inside and out. My grandmother's 7th child (and only son!) passed away a few years ago after a tragic automobile accident. God rest his soul.

I cannot imagine giving birth at age 47 (which is nearly a decade away), but if that is God's will, I could only accept it with great joy! Even though I am ebbing and flowing through waves of numbness and grief, I will not give in to despair. Lots of Grace and prayers will sustain me.

If you are inclined to offer up a prayer, please also pray for our children. They are sort of acting indifferent this time. In the past, they cried with great disappointment. Our sweet Timothy, who does dare pray for a child, has been begging for another sibling. He was so delighted when found out we were expecting. Today asked "Why do babies always die?" I replied "Babies don't always die. You were born, weren't you?" In fact, he was conceived just five days after our second baby was lost to miscarriage on 6-15-98. I reminded him that we often do not understand God's reasons but we do know that we have four very special souls interceding for our family.

To the dear hearts at 4Real who are offering prayers for me, words cannot adequately express the great comfort you have given me.

May God bless and keep you!

Prolife Candy

ht: Full Circle

scattergories

Your Name: kristina

1. Famous Singer/Band: Katrina and the Waves (80's girl.. I could've said The Kinks, Kool and The Gang or even Kiss, but what would that have said about me? Oooh, what Jordan Knight of New Kids on the Block!)

2. 4 letter word: keep

3. Street name: K Street (is that cheating? - it is in D.C.)

4. Color: Kelp - okay, so that is not a real color, but it could be.. maybe I will put in a suggestion to Crayola.

5. Gifts/presents: keyring

6. Vehicle: K-Car I was going to say Kia, but I thought I would date myself and say the K-Car. After all, I already revealed my age in the first question.

7. Items on a menu: Kiwi and Kumquats

8. Boy Name: Karol

9. Girl Name: Kimberly

10. Movie Title: Kindergarten Cop

11. Drink: Kahlua

12. Occupation: Kindergarten Teacher

13. Flower: King's Spear

15. Magazine: Kids Discover

16. US City: Kansas City, Missouri

17. Pro Sports Team: Sacramento Kings

18. Reason for Being Late for Work: Kept up all night by noisy neighbors, barking dogs or cats in heat.

19. Something U Throw Away: Krispy Kreme Donuts - the leftovers, that is. You had the treat when they were hot and fresh.. if you try to reheat them in the microwave, it's just not the same and really not worth the fat and calories, right?

20. Things you shout: "Keep it down - they can hear you across the lake!" (after shouting I realize they probably just heard me across the lake.. sigh.)

21. Cartoon Character: Kevin - 3-2-1 Penguins

HT: Dawn - I agree, this was much harder than it looked!

I thought so...

You scored as Roman Catholic, You are Roman Catholic. Church tradition and ecclesial authority are hugely important, and the most important part of worship for you is mass. As the Mother of God, Mary is important in your theology, and as the communion of saints includes the living and the dead, you can also ask the saints to intercede for you. Roman Catholic 100% What's your theological worldview? created with QuizFarm.com HT: Mary's Muse

where ya been?

I have a few posts in draft mode that I just never hit the post button.. a thought, a meme or two. Maybe I'll just come late to the party and post them anyway.

Since I have posted last.. we have celebrated

two birthdays. (Three times each! Don't ask.. okay, once on the actual birthdate with just our "little" family, one birthday lunch with Nana when she brings fresh fruit and whatever cake they have on hand at the store, and always a weekend ice cream cake celebration with Memere, Pepere et Grand-Memere).

We fasted and sacrificed through Lent, then celebrated Easter. It is Easter for nine more days, so we are still celebrating.

Life is good. Julian is helping me teach the younger ones. Earlier this week he instructed Timothy on the fine art of crepe making. They aren't the thin style like The Magic Pan, making them fun to flip. Memere makes crepes for the children on their grandparent sleepover mornings. Julian wanted to try his hand at it. Crepes are not on the repertoire here, so he got down the Alton Brown cookbook and got started.


Today he helped Maximilian with his reading. They wanted to read through all of the Little Stories for Little Folks. Yes, there is evidence that I sometimes let my children go to school in their pj's... especially on cold rainy days. Why does the cozy corner of the couch turn into a snugglefest? It's pictures like these that remind of how blessed we are to be homeschooling!

Thanks for stopping by for a visit. I would be remiss if I did not give a big thank you to the Angel of the Internet, Alice, who stopped by just to leave a greeting on my last post during my break! Even though I have been rather quiet with the comments and postings at my favorite board and blogs online, be assured of my prayers for all of the 4Real members, bloggers and lurkers, too! God Bless your day.

The NBA or The Convent

Elaina was admiring Julian's Boston Celtics tank shirt that he was wearing today. It was 5 degrees here, mind you!

Julian to his baby sister: Elaina, are you going to play basketball?
Me: There aren't any girls on the Celtics.
Julian: Well, you could be a nun, then.

Who Said Red?

You Are Apple Red

You're never one to take life too seriously, and because of it, you're a ton of fun. And although you have a great sense of humor, you are never superficial. Deep and caring, you do like to get to the core of people - to understand them well. However, any probing you do is light hearted and fun, sometimes causing people to misjudge you.

What Color Red Are You?

HT: Jenn, Ruth, Rebecca, and Kathryn

ABCs of Housekeeping Meme

Aprons – Y/N?

Only when I know I will be making a big mess. Which is usually always, but I rarely prepare for it.

Baking – Favorite thing to bake:
Chocolate Chip Cookies and Madeleine cookies, too.

Clothesline – Y/N?
No. I love drying clothing in the sun, but my husband is not fond of them. If he actually has an opinion about something regarding our house, I go with it. I am sure if it was that much of a priority for me, he would probably even install one for me. In the house I grew up in from age eight, it was my job to stand on stairs off of the kitchen door and hang clothing on a pulley-line. It was so convenient. The way our current house is situated on the property, any pulley-line type of clothes line would be within arms reach of the children playing in the yard. I have visions of them hanging from it, alas, our air dried clothing hangs in the laundry closet or on the inside shower rod if there is a lot.

Donuts – Have you ever made them?
No, not yet.

Dust - Y/N? Yes. I wish I could say that I do it everyday, but it is usually when we are preparing for company. If I notice dust and begin to use a duster, the chore is usually taken over by one of the eager children in the room. If there is more than one, there is usually a contest. There is plenty of dust to go around for everyone!

Every day – One homemaking thing you do every day:
Dishes.

Freezer – Do you have a separate deep freeze
No. We should, though.

Garbage Disposal – Y/N?
No, not even a dog.

Handbook – What is your favorite homemaking resource?
The Food Network

Ironing – Love it or hate it?
I do like it. I like the sense of accomplishment to take something really wrinkly and making it crispy and smooth. This morning, four curtains were ironed here. Lest, you be impressed, don't be. These are curtains that were removed during Advent to decorate the windows with garland/lights (husbands clever decorating, again). They were laundered and sat in a pile to be ironed for two months. I ironed the kitchen valance, then one living room curtain. Then the job was taken over by our eldest son, who was confident that he could do the job carefully. He could and he did. A fine job he did, too!

How ironing usually is done in our home: On Saturday night or Sunday morning I select the children's outfits for Holy Mass and then.. my husband irons them while I am in the shower. Does that say more about how amazing he is or what a spoiled brat I am?

Junk drawer – Y/N? Where is it?
Yes. Just one skinny desk drawer. It is usually my husband's clutter that I don't know what to do with. It has Lowe's and Home Depot receipts, a mechanics pencil, screwdrivers, his favorite pens, nails, nuts, bolts, screws - that I randomly find all over the house and don't know where they came from.

Kitchen: Design & Decorating?
Open to living room. Smallish - 10X10. Light Maple Cabinets, Black Fridge, Stove, Dishwasher and Sink, Free-Standing Island with big stainless drawers from Ikea, Dark blue walls (another of my husband's ideas). In a small space, it can look cluttered with just a few things out. This week I re-organized the corner cabinet to fit the blender that was taking up space on the counter.

Love: What is your favorite part of homemaking?

When everything is in it's place and shiny clean, usually just before company arrives! I like cleaning and organizing, but I struggle with the fact that it just gets messy again!

Mop - Y/N?
I spot clean messes, but the big mop job is best left to a "professional" (my husband!)

Nylons - Wash by hand or in the washing machine?
Depend's on the denier. I have laundered fine hosiery by hand, but these days I wear more tights than anything else and they go in with the darks.

Oven - Do you use the window, or open the door to check?
Mostly check by opening unless it’s a “danger of falling” item.

Pizza - What do you put on yours?
Margherita - Fresh Mozzarella, tomatoes and finished with basil

Quiet - What do you do during the day when you get a quiet moment?
Pray or Read.

Recipe card box - Y/N?
Yes, I have tried and true recipes in a basket weave recipe box.

Style of house -
Small Cape with unfinished basement.

Tablecloths and napkins - Y/N?

The table is granite, so I don't bother covering it.

Under the kitchen sink - Organized or toxic wasteland?
Very recently organized. Our trash receptacle is an undercabinet trash. If I don't stay on top of it, that area has major "ick" potential. I use a shelfliner that is easily wiped and replaced when necessary.

Vacuum - How many times per week?
Twice a day! At least the blue carpet in the living room.

X’s - Do you keep a daily list of things to do and cross them off?
I make lots of lists (just ask my husband!) I don't always cross them off right away. I love finding a list from a few months prior to discover what "big things" have been accomplished since then.

Yard - Who does what?

I am supposed to weed the garden. I sweep the front stairs. I make sure the swingset is clean for the children. The raking, mowing, snow-blowing, shoveling, planting, etc.. is all done by my husband and our sons.

Zzz’s - What is your last homemaking task for the day before going to bed? Load and set the laundry for the next day.

Thanks to Mary of Our Domestic Church for tagging me!